?

Log in

[icon] Wonderland
View:Recent Entries.
View:Archive.
View:Friends.
View:Profile.
View:Website (Wonderland).
You're looking at the latest 10 entries.
Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 10 entries

Tags:, , ,
Current Music:TV - Fast N Loud
Current Location:Portland, OR, USA
Security:
Subject:Leaving Las Vegas...
Time:01:38 pm
Current Mood:intimidatedintimidated
A lot has happened since my last update. I'll make a longer post really soon. But, most recently, I've relocated. I left Las Vegas, NV, after about eight years (seven and a half too many, IMO) and I've just spent my first two nights in Portland, OR. If anybody on my friends list is in the OR area I'd love to know about it... just send me a message or a reply. As for everything else, keep an eye out, I'll post as soon as I'm able.

Thanks for your love and support. I <3 you all!

TBC...
comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment Share

Tags:, , , ,
Security:
Subject:Updates...
Time:11:56 am
Current Mood:crappycrappy
Hi guys, just a brief update. I was back in the hospital this month for four days. Still no diagnosis. That's 5 hospitalizations in 5 months. Wow, go me! (NOT.) I've got Medicaid now, and a GP (that I'm not sure I'm too fond of yet) who's sending me to a GI specialist. We're just waiting for the referral to be approved. But, my mom, who's basically my caregiver, is in the hospital now. She had pneumonia, they gave her an antibiotic she's apparently allergic to, and now she's pretty sick and's been there for a week. I swear, we just can't win around here!

Anyway, since I have mounting bills, and medical bills from before I got Medicaid, I started a GoFundMe.com account to see if anybody could help out. My dad's tiny disability check is all that's keeping me in my house right now. So, if anybody wants to, and can (I know times are still hard for a lot of you) donate please visit my page: http://www.gofundme.com/7gdzj4 and see what you can do. I feel awful having to beg like this, but I'm at my wits end. Thanks, in advance, to anybody who even takes a look, even if you can't give anything right now. I love you all!

Also, on a happier note, I updated my AFF account, mostly to change my pen name and update my bio: http://members.adult-fanfiction.org/profile.php?no=1296781192 But it did feel great to be back on the site, even for such a simple reason. I've got ideas flowing again, but the depression and my physical problems seem to keep me from doing much about it. I'm working on it though. Take a look if you'd like, for any updates, or just keep an eye out here.

Hope you're all doing better than me right now... and Happy St. Patrick's Day!
comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment Share

Tags:,
Security:
Subject:HELP, I need a copy of "Perceived Perceptions"... Anybody got it?
Time:08:18 pm
HELP! I KNOW I sent one of you (can't remember right now) a "complete" copy of my novel "Perceived Perceptions", and my computer crashed with no back up of it. If any of you still have that version saved could you please message me, or email me, because I've got a fan asking for a copy. Please and Thank You! <3
comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment Share

Security:
Subject:I Miss (feeling like) Myself...
Time:08:41 am
This depression is kicking my ass! It has been for going on (at least) three years now! I hate it! This week I've barely left my bed, let alone my bedroom, or my house. Not that 115 degree temperatures outside (I still live in Vegas, in case anybody forgot) have helped with the last bit. I'm either always asleep, sometimes for 18+ hours at a time, or I'm up all night with insomnia. My stomach always hurts (I think, from research and talking to sick friends, that I have something like Celiac disease or Chrone's, but without a doctor I can't be sure. The hospital wasn't much help last year.) and the stress and depression aren't helping matters. Even when the weather isn't too bad for me to go out I've started getting bad anxiety and panic attacks every time I go out, for no good reason, and that makes me nervous about going out at all. I don't enjoy much of anything anymore. I haven't written in FOREVER (I do still make story and edit notes though) and I'm beginning to worry that I never will again. Sometimes when I'm in bed I think of something I'd like to do, but then I either fall asleep or I can't find the energy and/or motivation when it's time. I can't afford cable anymore, so I can't even lay in bed and watch tv, so I just sleep. I look for work online when I am up, but I never hear back, which just makes me feel worse. I don't know what to do anymore! I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, as the saying goes. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Sorry to just pop up only to be a downer. I needed to unload somewhere, but if I do it on FaceBook then I'll have my sister-in-law calling my mother by the end of the day saying I'm suicidal, which I am not.

On the up side: I saw "Rango" for the first time recently. Loved it! So quarky and different. Not for kids (thankfully) but that's okay. Mom and I laughed our asses off! The family also recently got into "Boardwalk Empire" from the start. Really good show. I've always loved Steve Buccimi (my family teases me relentlessly for my little crush.) and he's great in it. I'm a season behind on "True Blood", but I'm catching up. I still enjoy the show, even if some fans have started to jump ship.

I find myself lonely as I lay awake, late at night. At times I wonder if my depression wouldn't be helped by finding a companion. Then I feel rediculous! Why would someone want to get involved with a trainwreck like me? I can't even stand to be with me for too long, so why would somebody else? Besides, even if I formed a connection online I couldn't even go meet them somewhere, since I can't even afford bus fare or lunch money! Hell, maybe I just need to get laid! *LOL* Just a simple wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am?!?</i></i></i></i></i></i>
comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment Share

Tags:, , ,
Current Music:The Wind Blowing in the Trees
Current Location:Home: Master Bedroom
Security:
Subject:Hoppy Easter...
Time:12:35 pm
Current Mood:drowsy
Hi guys! Boy, have I missed you all! Have you missed me? I know, I've been MIA for a long time. I'll do a longer post later but, long story short, RL is trying to murder me. Plain and simple. I've not had an easy go of things lately. I'm left with no internet (or tv, I get about four network stations, and that's on a good day) and my only way to communicate with my online communities is my cellphone. My cell, unfortunately, is a P.o.S. and my service (NEVER use MetroPCS, no matter how good the price seems!) is patchy AT BEST. YouTube is my only form of entertainment many nights, when I'm bedridden from my many illnesses, but I rarely get to watch a fifty minute video without losing the signal at least twice! So, because of this, updating here is not exactly easy. However, I miss my LJ family, and thanks to some apps I found I've decided to try to return. We'll see how it goes. No promises though.

I hope you've all been well. I'll try to catch up on your journals as soon as zI can.

That's it for now. I feel crappy but haven't slept in about twenty-four hours. My lids are getting heavy now. Maybe I'll finally get some rest?!? I'll be back real soon though.

Easter was a fertility/rebirth (thus the risen zombie JC in the Christian hijacked version) celebration back when my people were still the religious majority. In honor of the old ways, I say we all grab a lover, slather him or her in chocolate sauce/body paint, and proceed to fuck like horney little rabbits til one or both run out of steam. Then have a few Peeps and the ears (the best part, as everyone knows) off a few hollow chocolate bunnies and use the sugar high to keep right on boning. It's a fitting way to celebrate. And I doubt ol' JC would mind anyway (if you're not a follower of the old ways but, instead, prefer the teachings of the carpenter cult), as he seems like a pretty groovy dude to me. I doubt even he wants to spend the day sitting inside, on uncomfortable seats, in stuffy clothes, listening to some old dude drone on and on about zombies in such a way as to make even ZOMBIES seem dull. So why should you? Have a little (or a lot) of fun! It's what the day is for.

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!!!
comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment Share

Tags:,
Current Music:Adam Lambert
Current Location:Grandma's House - Ohio
Security:
Subject:It's been a long time...
Time:01:01 pm
Current Mood:optimisticoptimistic
I feel like I haven't updated LJ in forever. I know it's been a long time. I just haven't been myself lately; I think I've been depressed, mostly over work. I haven't written much of anything new in nearly two years, I quit learning to draw, I haven't socalized much (I really should reopen my CollarMe.com account *LOL*) and I just haven't felt motivated to do much at all. I think it's time for that to change though. I was fired (unjustly, IMO) from my job... and, truthfully, I think it was the best thing to happen to me in a long time! I miss the money, but I sure don't miss the stress or the person that job turned me into. I'm currently on a three week vacation at my granny's in Ohio, I got to go to the family reunion for the first time in about seven years, and I think the change in location and the happiness of seeing family again, has also had something to do with my improved mood. I really do feel more like myself again, and that's a good thing.

As I said, I'm on vaction in Ohio, so I don't really want to do a long post right now, but when I get back to Las Vegas I plan on posting everything that's happened lately, updating my writing schedual, starting some fresh projects, updating my rec reading lists... a whole lot of stuff. I spend more time on FaceBook (so much easier to update quickly) than LJ these days, but I'll definately have a big update to post here in the next few weeks. I also plan on keeping up with LJ more, even if just for writing and a few brief updates now and then. Keep an eye out for me... I'll be back!

Luv you all!!!

P.S. - I wish I was at Comic-Con. Anybody who is there: have fun for those of us who couldn't make it! Maybe next year?
comments: 6 comments or Leave a comment Share

Tags:, , , , ,
Current Music:TV - American Idol
Current Location:home - living room
Security:
Subject:Almost there...
Time:08:33 pm
Current Mood:crushedcrushed
I've been completely MIA from LJ for a while. I'm sorry. The major reason (one of them, anyway) has been that the only computers I have access to are either slow or complete POSs. But I used my tax return money to order myself a new computer that should be much better, and have me not only back on LJ more often, but also get me back to writing and posting new fics. Stay with me, I'll be back real soon... I promise!

I <3 YOU ALL!!!!

Oh, and btw: I cheated and looked at the east coast results show for "American Idol" online a little while ago. It's currently airing here in the west coast, but it's already too late, I know what happens. And I'm crushed! WTF? Sending Paul home? Big mistake! I know, he's not the normal Idol mold singer, but he's made of awesome. Why in the hell is he going home before either of the remaining girls, neither of which can hold a candle to any of the boys this season? I've still got James, Casey, and Scotty to vote for, but I'm still sad to see Paul leave. :( I'm sure he'll do well, even without winning AI; I for one can't wait to buy his first CD.
comments: 16 comments or Leave a comment Share

Tags:
Current Music:TV - Doctor Who: A Christmas Carol
Current Location:Home - Study
Security:
Subject:Happy Holidays!
Time:10:00 pm
Current Mood:draineddrained
Hope you all had a great Christmas and will have a happy New Year! I love you all, FB friends :)
comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment Share

Tags:, , , , , , , ,
Current Music:TV: the Venture Brothers
Current Location:Home - Study
Security:
Subject:What's new...
Time:11:59 pm
Current Mood:crappycrappy
Spent last weekend on the Las Vegas strip. Had a free room at Harrah's (not as bad as I expected) and then at Rio (very nice. the rooms were bigger than my first apartment.) Saw a steampunk themed magic show with way too much dancing. Very weird.

Went to see the newest "Harry Potter" movie the week it came out. Loved it. Very dark, and I cried through most of it (*LOL*) but I really enjoyed it. Can't wait to see the final movie.

I'm fighting a killer cold right now. I've spent most of the time in bed and catching up on my DVRs. Finished the latest season of "Doctor Who" finally. The 11th doctor just never grew on me, and neither did Amy, but I did enjoy the last few episodes of the season. I'm hoping for more River Song in the next season. I'm catching up on cartoons now. "Venture Brothers" for now, and maybe "Metalocolypse" later.

It's shift bid time again at work. I liked my current shift, but it's not available any more. My new shift is going to be 1.15-9.15 with Thur/Fri off. I wanted a 32 hour shift again, but they were all mornings, and I just don't do mornings.
comments: 10 comments or Leave a comment Share

Tags:, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Current Music:TV - Squidbillies
Current Location:Home - study
Security:
Time:01:51 am
Current Mood:listlesslistless
Don't have much of excitement to write about, but I just wanted to let you all know that even though I've been quiet lately I'm reading all of your posts. I'm still here, promise. The weather here in Vegas is still really nice (we've actually had 80+ temps this week) but it's kind of annoying because I go to work around noon and get off at midnight, so I'm too hot if I wear anything heavy to work, and I hate to carry a heavy coat to the bus, but when I get off I'm freezing my ass off some nights! I know I complain about the heat here all the time, and I sure as hell don't miss the cold of Ohio winters, but this is almost as bad. Then again, if I didn't have something to complain about I don't know if I'd be happy *LOL*

I've inherated my brother's old phone. It cost him over $200, and I could never spend that for a damn phone, but now that I have his I love it. I finally have an unlimited talk/text/web plan. Since I work on the phone for eight hours a day, the talk portion of my plan dosen't excite me much, but I'm loving the text/web parts. I joined twitter and update my facebook all the time now. I have to wonder if anybody really cares about my endless updates, but at least it amuses me. If any of you are on Twitter and want to add/friend/whatever me, I'm TWKitty369.

I'm a little down this week because of something that happened to my oldest brother. He has a wife who's a few years older than him (considering he's from my mom's first marriage and I just turned 30, he's no spring chicken and this means that she isn't either) and neither one of them has ever had children, although he wants them. They've tried to get pregnant a few times over the past five years or so (they live in New Orleans, and we didn't exactly grow up together, so I'm not as up on everything about their lives as I'd like to be... I keep missing family reunions because of work) and have gotten pregnant a few times, but they keep loosing the babies early into the pregnancies. This time they got pregnant and didn't tell anybody for a while, because they were sure to loose this one too. They finally told us a few months back because things were looking good. The baby was to be born sometime early this month, and things were still looking good, then I got a voicemail from my Grandma this past Sunday night (they're in Ohio, so there's a time difference) but since my phone is new I didn't even have the voicemail set up yet. I was kind of curious about the little flashing red thing on my phone screen, so I tried to set up my voicemail durring a break at work, and when I finally did all my Gran said was, "This is your grandmother. Could you have your mom give me a call. Love ya." She didn't sound right, and everyone in my family knows about my aversion to phone calls, so the fact that she'd called me worried me a lot. I called my mom and tolder her to call Gran, and I also texted my aunt (my aunt and grandmother live together, and they're in NOLA all the time) to see if everything is okay. When I went to lunch a little while later I saw a text from my aunt, and she told me that my brother and sister-in-law had lost their unborn son the day before he was born. I hadn't seen her when she was pregnant, I'd never touched her belly or felt my nephew kicking, I probably wouldn't have ever even met the poor kid unless he grew up and decided to come to Vegas, but I was still hit kind of hard by it. I couldn't leave work, and I knew that getting upset wouldn't help anyone, but I just started crying. Anyone who knows me IRL knows that I never cry in front of anyone, not for real. Sure, if you give me a good book or a sad movie I'll bawl my eyes out and not be the least ashamed, but if something real pops up in my life I freeze up and don't show my pain to anyone. (I should probably seek help form a therapist, I'm emotially unavailable and completely messed up internally at times) I tried to stop, I'm not even sure what I was crying about except that I feel awful that my brother has to keep going through this when I know how badly he just wants a family, but before I knew it I'd walked half way through the casino, in the wrong way, and my face was wet. I had to duck into a bathroom to wipe my face, and that's where I just started sobbing. I couldn't even eat my lunch. When I tried to go back to work my friend Amanda noticed that something was wrong, and she hugged me when I started crying again (sometimes I don't know what I'd do without Amanda, she's such an awesome person and a great friend, and I'm very lucky to have her in my life) before I could stop myself. When I got home I cried some more, but I didn't let my mom see me do it, because I'm sure she's hurting more than I am. We don't really talk about our feelings much at my house, we're all messed up that way, but I know that we're all feeling the loss of a baby that we never even got the chance to know. Considering how many idiot teenagers and wellfare crack whores get accidently knocked up every damn day (my stupid, drug addicted, extremely troubled cousin had his first child on his 18th birthday; and the child has been left for his father and step-mother to raise) it just seems so unfair that people who really want a child and would be wonderful parents can't have a child. I'd love to get to go down to New Orleans to be with them (not that it would do any good) for a little while, but that's just not an option. Besides, I'd probably put my damn foot in my mouth at some point in the visit by reminding them that adoption is a better option than ever trying again (I never want to have a child, but I do sometimes consider adopting an older child. Not that they'd ever give me on *LOL*) and I'm sure that's the last thing they want to hear right now.

Sorry to get so down, how about I try to make the rest of the update a little more upbeat: I finished "Fable 3" (don't remember if I already mentioned this) about a week or two back. I had fun, really, but after all of the hype I was a little unimpressed. The side quests to gain friends got really repetitive, and the fighting was overly easy most of the time, and everything just seemed too simple. On the up side, it was fun most of the time, and once I became king I had a lot of fun ruling. One thing that always annoyes me about RPGs (and video games in general) is that you're usually fighting to liberate/rule/take over/create the kingdom, and you spend the whole game fighting to that aim, but once you accomplish this seemingly impossible task that you've fought so hard to accomplish... GAME OVER. WTF? I work that hard and don't get to enjoy the spoils of my struggle? So, at least in this game they let you enjoy the kingship that you fought so hard for. I just wish that part of the game had been a bit longer. They kept saying that the midpoint would be you becomming king or queen, but I don't think that you rule for even the final 1/4 of the game. It was actually a pretty short game too. Aside from some finsih-up work looking for gnomes (the replacement for the gargoyles from the second game) and flowers, as well as a few accomplishments that I didn't get in the normal play, I think I finished the whole thing in less than a month. And trust me, I do way more side quests than most people, so if it took me that long then most people wouldn't even need that much time to finish. My overall opinion? A good game that could have been so much better. I think now I'll try to finish "Kingdom Hearts re: Chain of Memories" on my PS2. I hate the damn card battle system. I keep getting my ass kicked by Vexen! But the game is so pretty (and I love anything with Axel in it, I'm an Axel/Roxas shipper *LOL*) and I'm such a KH fan that I can't not finish it. Eventually. I've actually been playing it, on and off, for months. Then I'll have to find something new to play. Any suggestions? I've got a PS2, Xbox 360, and Wii. I'm kind of liking these previews/commercials for the newest "Assassins Creed" game, thinking that maybe I could go back and play the first one, but I'm not sure. I prefer RPGs, don't do shooter games and usually don't do fighting ones either. I tried the "Devil my Cry" games and couldn't get the hang of the movement/battle stuff, and I worry that "Assassins Creed" might be similar to that. Anybody?

Watched the season premire of "Human Target" on FOX tonight. I really like that show, especially Jackie Earle Haley (the new Freddy Kruger). A bit of mother/daughter time in front of the tv.

Tomorrow I'd like to head down to WalMart to pick up this pretty purple pre-lit Christmas tree and a few decorations. I hate that the stores have started putting up holiday decorations a month before Halloween, but as far as I'm concerned once October 31st has ended we can start decorating. I've already go quite a few presents (I love having a GoodWill within walking distance to my house. They're good stuff, and the people I give them to don't need to know where I got them from.) and I'd like to get them wrapped and have a tree to put them under. That's the plan, anyway. Maybe then I'll hit the DVR and see what I can find. I still have half the most recent season of "Doctor Who" (not too impressed with 12 so far) to watch, I'm a week behind on "Glee" (loved the "Rocky Horror Pictureshow" ep.), I still want to try "The Walking Dead" and "Kekkaishi", plus I haven't watched all of this season of either "The Venture Brothers" or "Metalocalypse". Oh, and I need to finish S1 of "Haven". No wonder I have no life, if someone looked at this update to my LJ they'd think I do nothing but watch TV *LOL* Very sad. I need to try to prep my study for a paint job too. Maybe with a redesign I might finally find the energy flow to be correct and I can start writing again. I wanted to get a lot of these things done today too, but I ended up over sleeping and didn't even get out of bed until after 4pm (I didn't go to bed until after 5am though); maybe I've been feeling so tired because I needed to catch up on my sleep though. Hopefully I got that out of the way last night *LOL* I'm gonna have a drink now (I love the man/men/women who invented Mike's Hard Leomnade in pink lemonade flavor) and try to get back to bed. G'night all!
comments: 7 comments or Leave a comment Share

[icon] Wonderland
View:Recent Entries.
View:Archive.
View:Friends.
View:Profile.
View:Website (Wonderland).
You're looking at the latest 10 entries.
Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 10 entries